My house is basically a nonstop circus. And that’s putting it mildly. The other day Bez was chasing Benaiah around our house with a baby Tylenol syringe full of water shooting it at him and yelling…”This is my destiny!!!” What did that mean? I have no idea. Did I stop them? Not a chance…They were both laughing and happy so I sat down and put my feet up. It was very weird and very wonderful. I love to watch them play and they love when I watch them play. They do not however, love when I stop them when they are having fun because I see that what they are doing is dangerous. One afternoon they were playing and Bez said “Hey mom…watch me, but don’t say ‘No Bez, don’t do that.’” I’m not sure why he was concerned because it wasn’t something I needed to stop him from doing anyway. If I’m ever unsure about whether to stop my kid from doing something I can basically just go through the checklist of questions they ask at the post office before sending a package for me…if it’s not involving something liquid, fragile, or potentially hazardous I just go with it.
It was funny though, that Bez wanted me there with him but didn’t want me to interfere with what he had decided to do. He wants me with him, wants me to watch him, but doesn’t want me to spoil his fun. I specifically remember being in the middle of a bad decision many years ago. I remember praying about this situation. I remember asking God to bless the path I was on and work it out the way I wanted Him to. I remember the pit in my stomach knowing I was in the wrong. I had already made up my mind about what I was going to do and I wanted Him with me, but I didn’t want Him to stop me. Unfortunately, I did go on my own path and suffered consequences because of it. Nothing life shattering thankfully, but plenty of heartache and disappointment.
Sometimes we do the same things to those near to us. We go to them looking for “advice”, when what we really want is for them to tell us we’re right, that our lifestyle is appropriate, that the direction we’re going will only take us good places. People put us in that situation…we’re the ones who are supposed to give advice, but we know good and well we’re only supposed to say what they want to hear. Watch me, be with me…don’t tell me no.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to stop Bez or Benaiah from doing something. I know they’re having fun and will probably be mad at me for spoiling it. It’s hard for me to give someone advice I know they don’t want to hear. I love them…I don’t want them mad at me. But, as my pastor (who also happens to be my brother) said that other day…it is a perverted kind of love that endorses destructive behavior. It does my kids no good if I watch them climb on the counters to try and stick their hands in the dinner cooking on the stove and do nothing to stop them. It does them no good if I find them with daddy’s razor trying to shave off their eyebrows and I just continue cleaning the bathroom. It does my friend no good if she comes to me saying she knows the guy she’s with isn’t serving God but she’s tired of waiting for the right one and I tell her to just settle for what she has. It does my friend no good if they say they have more important things to do than find alone time with God or get to church on Sunday’s and I don’t tell them that there’s nothing more important.
I’m so thankful for the nudging of the Holy Spirit when I start to think, act, or live in ways that I shouldn’t. I’m so thankful for friends that will tell me when I’m heading in a harmful direction. I want to be stopped when I’m wrong. I want to be that person for others.